im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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