I think i peed on brittanys purse
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
