I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
