i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
