gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
