Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
