I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
