I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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