whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
