How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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