He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
