Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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