Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
