i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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