Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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