We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
