dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
