How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
