i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
