wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
