somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
