I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
