Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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