We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
