Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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