just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
