I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
