Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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