When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
