The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
