found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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