Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
