Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
