just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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