So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
