i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize