a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
