Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
