Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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