Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
