around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize