Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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