piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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