you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
