You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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