I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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