Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
