I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
false alarm, still single
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