when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
