absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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