when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
