I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
