The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
God, I missed his penis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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