I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
