Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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