he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
