Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
His hands were made for my vagina.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
