So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
