2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
