I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize