Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize