Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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