I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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