OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
