Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
