I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
