apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
