Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
