yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
