Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
