I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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