i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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