Where is the hickey?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Found the puke drawer
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
