Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
