I bet he comes in French.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize