A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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