He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
